Are you ready for Earth Day? I wasn't, until I read this from Sara at Walk Slowly, Live Wildly. This amazing post will surely inspire you to take a step beyond recycling and work towards really eliminating the amount of trash that comes into and goes out of your home. I am amazed at all she and her family are doing! I hope you will be inspired and motivated, too.
So, here we are - 19 weeks! If all looks good, we will aim for a delivery around 38 or 39 weeks, so I like to think at 19 weeks that the nugget and I are halfway there. YES!
It occurs to me I need to change my description of what this blog is about, as I have sort of wandered from the natural family living discussions that inspired this blog to begin with. (Much of that wandering has taken place since January . . .)
Life with D becomes ever more interesting as her flair for drama reaches new heights daily. I was telling my dad the other night that her (frequent and puzzling) tantrums bring to mind phrases from the Bible where great tragedy and pain are spoken of . . . you know, things like "wailing and gnashing of teeth" and "sackcloths and ashes." I am fairly confident that given the chance, she would gladly don a sackcloth and smear ashes on her face to symbolize to all who meet her that verily, verily, she is to be pitied among all children, for her mother hath commanded that she shall not eat of the cat's food from the cat dish, and she shall not use the dry erase marker she foundeth on the refrigerator to color the kitchen floor. Woe to her! Woe to her!
Yep, it's a hard life. Pobricita!
So, here we are at 18 weeks. WOO HOO!
Miss D had a wonderful Easter holiday, as this picture will attest to:
I want to do something today I have been meaning to do for weeks. I want to share my reasoning for choosing a scheduled repeat c-section for our September baby.
As I shared in my entries back in January when we got our Big Fat Positive, I was extremely interested in exploring a VBAC delivery this time. I am thankful that at the time I had the chance to do a LOT of reading and a lot of research. I felt very strongly at the time that this was something I could do, that I wanted to do, and in many ways - that I needed to do.
Then I found out our (small-town) hospital doesn't allow VBAC deliveries. I was so crushed. So my husband and I began a series of discussions about what path to take with this birth.
Bear with me, because this is literally our pro and con list:
PROS for VBAC
* Statistically safest for me and the baby
* Greatly improves chances for future VBAC deliveries
* No limit on number of future births
* No significant help needed for extended post-partum recover time
CONS for VBAC
* Have to switch OB practices (DH is not open to a midwife delivery)
* Must find OB in Austin
* Must deliver in Austin hospital (30-45 minutes away, depending on traffic)
* DH (football coach) *could* be out of town when I go into labor
* Best chances for "sucessful" VBAC delivery seem to come with little or no pain management through medication. I asked for, and got, an epidural at 4 cm with D's delivery. I don't know if I could labor all the way to the end with no pain medication. Just being honest.
PROS for ERCS (elective repeat c-section)
* Scheduled delivery - DH will definitely be there for birth
* Can stay with my (beloved) OB practice
* Can deliver at hospital here in town
* Can plan MIL's visit for post-recovery time (SIL is having a baby around the same time we are due. My own mother is not able to help me, so MIL is my main resource)
CONS for ERCS
*Chance/risk of infections/complications for me or the baby
* Can't lift D for 6 weeks
* May be limited in number of children we can have (not that I can envision having more than three . . . still, I just don't like the idea of being told I really shouldn't have more than three).
* Vastly reduces chance of VBAC (VBA2C) delivery in the future
* Need significant help to recover
So there it is, all on the table. After lots of prayer and LOTS of discussion, we both feel at peace with choosing a ERCS. For now. We are also both open to the possibility that we may have a change of heart or a change of circumstance between now and September that takes us down another path. One thing that has been so helpful to me is to do some reading of women who have had scheduled c-sections who were able to create birth plans that were very personal and very respectful of this being a birth, not a surgery. I look forward to creating that kind of experience this time around, because at least I know what to expect.
GOODNESS! I am awful blogger!
Here's the thing . . . I have dozens of ideas rolling around in my head for things to post about, but then when I sit down to write, I find it has all evaporated somewhere. BUT I just ordered these darling little scribble pads from Becky's Paper Creations so hopefully I can jot down some notes when I am out and about and thoughts of sheer genius strike.
Additionally, I am really, really trying to limit my computer time to times when Dacey is asleep and/or engrossed in a movie . . . errrr, um, I mean diligently and quietly playing with her lacing beads all by herself which she does a LOT. Really though, the main gist of the speech therapy we are working on with her is to encourage her to be verbal through play. So I feel super guilty about jacking around on the computer when she is up because I know there are really are things we should be doing together.
But seriously, I want to be better about blogging. I am really going to try to post at least one entry a week, and I think Tuesdays are a good day because I start each new week of pregnancy on each Tuesday. Seventeen weeks today! Hooray!
So you know how sometimes you have a friend and you kind of lose track of her and fall out of touch . . . and then before you know it, weeks (or months!) have gone by and you haven't talked and then you feel all awkward about calling her? That's how I have been about my little blog lately. *embarrassed*
The whirlwind of managing life with D and trying to get through the first trimester have just had me distracted! Not only have I neglected writing, I have MAJORLY neglected reading the wonderful thoughts of so many of my friends! Many apologies . . .
Anyway, today I roll over the big 13 weeks. I was reading on my MDC due date club that one might consider 13.5 weeks to technically mark the beginning of the 2nd trimester. WOO HOO! My energy level is steadily coming back . . . I don't crash into bed as soon as I lay D down for a nap or for bed. I am still pretty nauseated, but nothing like it has been.
Anyway, I hope to be on a little more now and again.
Thanks for your patience. :)
Top Three reasons I can never fully sell-out to vegetarian living:
1) brisket
2) beef ribs
3) Sonic hamburgers
Yesterday morning as we left church, the aroma of barbeque warmed the air. I was enjoying a brief respite from the all-day, everyday nausea. I had to have some BEEF! Oh my, it was delicious. And I never feel so disconnected from my vegetarian tendencies as I do when gnawing on a big old beef rib.
And Sonic hamburgers - I don't know . . . Just good stuff!
I want to thank all of you for your kind words and encouragement on my post about D weaning. It hasn't been as tear-free as I had hoped. After going through several leaky, uncomfortable days as the last of my milk dried up, D started asking for milk again after naps. When I would tell her mommy's milk is all gone, her face would just crumple and she would start to cry. Break a mama's heart! But she is easily enough distracted, so I think we are going to be okay. :)
Baby news: We got our first peek at Baby #2 on Friday! One little bean with two arms, two legs, and a good strong heartbeat has taken up full residence in my womb. It was oh so thrilling to see this one in action. Pretty much makes the last seven weeks of feeling crappy all worth it!!
Officially.
After a mostly wonderful, definitely rewarding breastfeeding relationship that lasted for two years, one week, and three days (roughly), Dacey has weaned herself.
I thought I would feel a greater sense of loss than I do. I actually feel very peaceful about it all. I think mostly I am thankful that I had a wonderful online community that encouraged me in the philosophy of self-weaning. I don't know a single person in my "offline" community that has nursed past the year mark (or if they have, they don't talk about it), so to have support and encouragement from women who have practiced self-weaning or who have just offered their support for my choice in that area has been priceless to me.
This has been a wonderful time of reflection and nostalgia for me. Thinking back to those awkward and painful days full of doubt and insecurity reminds me of how much Dacey and I have grown together. It's a sweet time of remembrance and celebration of the end of one journey while I look forward to the beginning of a new one someday in the not-too-distant future.
Since last Friday when I first heard about Texas Governor Rick Perry's executive order mandating the HPV vaccination for all sixth grade school girls in Texas, I have been pretty fired up about it. It's been hard for me to put into words exactly why this issue makes my blood boil, and thankfully the wonderful people who are running the Overturn RP65 blog have clearly and concisely summed up my objections.
It's funny. All along on this journey of Mommyhood, I find I am constantly reminded of how much I only think I have things under control, when the reality is that much of the time I just need to follow Dacey's lead.
I still struggle against my need-to-schedule tendencies. Dace and I both do better with routine and order, but there are days and times when I need to be reminded that I am a Mommy, not a camp counselor with a clipboard and a whistle. If we get off schedule a bit, life goes on. This morning, D fell asleep on the way home for the grocery store. No amount of tickling and talking could rouse her, so I felt a bit panicked that it was a good hour and a half before her scheduled nap time. I laid her down on the couch to snooze while I banged around in the kitchen putting groceries away. I thought surely, surely my daughter who "has" to have a completely darkened room with a fan providing white noise to be able to sleep would wake up in the living room which was not only noisy, but also gorgeously lit up with some much coveted mid-winter sunshine.
But the sandman's spell can be hard to break.
Hi friends!
Thanks for all the feedback and checking up on me.
I am still sick pretty much all day, every day. Actually, I take that back. Mornings are fine. But starting right after lunch and lasting until I go to bed, I just feel so sick and miserable. It has really cut back on my online socializations!
In other news, we celebrated D's 2nd birthday with a nice, quiet family party. We figure we have many years of princess tea parties and overnighters ahead of us - we may as well have one last low-key celebration. Also, D starts speech therapy this month, and we are so excited for that. She tests at only the 12-15 month level for expressive language, so we are hoping to learn some strategies that will encourage her to use that beautiful voice of hers.
The dilema about how/when/where to deliver this next babe continues to plauge my thoughts. Kyle and I will have to decide soon, so hopefully by the end of this week, we will have some clarity and direction.
Thanks again for checking in on me!
Sorry I haven't been too good with the updating (or the reading of the blogs of my sweet friends!).
First trimester woes have just hit me hard. It's not anything that every other pregnant mama on the planet doesn't face - I just tend to be a little pitiful. I feel like one of those commercials for anti-depressants; the ones where they talk about symptoms of depression including lack of interest in the things you used to love while they show a person laying on the couch in the dark. I feel so tired it's really hard for me to even get on the computer, let alone do all I need to do to be there for and connected with D.
So, that's where I am. Hoping to be on the upswing very soon. The second trimester of Dacey's pregnancy was a wonderful time for me - keeping fingers and toes crossed that history repeats itself!
If you have a few minutes, this is a very thought-provoking read on what birthing choices look like these days and the reasons behind the decisions:
Birth on our own terms
I am, for the first time, really understanding the phrase "green around the gills."
Each day brings with it a day long feeling of nausea that actually feels as though it's emanating from my throat (where my gills might be if I had gills). My gag reflex is also more hyper-sensitive than ever before in my life. Yesterday a pita that had begun to grow some green mold made me retch. Sure, moldy bread is unappetizing, but I never before have I had such a violent reaction to food left to its own devices.
And that will be enough complaining for today.
In other news, we are hopeful that the ice storm that has had us trapped inside since Monday will subside and we may even begin to thaw out. My poor daughter - cabin fever is in full force for both of us!
Can I just say how appreciative I am for the vast array of online resources for mamas these days? Yes, there's some muck to search through, but mostly there are many, many resources literally at our fingertips that so many mamas before us have not had access to. Hurrah for the internet!
Thank you, Kulia, for pointing me in the direction of I-CAN! There are no chapters near me, but the online resources are outstanding.
Thanks to the mamas at MDC, I have found out some helpful information about doulas. DONA has tons of information for doulas and expectant families, and I am hoping to be able to find a doula-in-training in our area who might be able to support us in a VBAC delivery. BellyWomen.Net is a great site that connects low-cost (or free!) doula services with women who are pregnant.
So as I continue to think and reflect on my birthing options, my thoughts also turn to mothering a newborn again. I can now look back at Dacey's first three (okay, six) months and be able to say we had a "rocky start." There was a time when I would have chosen different phrasing - like, I don't know . . . "hellish start," perhaps. As I have shared before, I was ensnared in a scheduled-feeding-babies-belong-in-cribs-don't-spoil-that-baby mindset. I had read a book that convinced me that what I now know to be nurturing a baby would certainly lead to a crabby, demanding, nightmare child and also the certain destruction of my marriage. And so I spent tortured months trying to let her cry it out in her crib to get her to sleep, only to pick her up tearfully each time and rocking her to sleep while mentally berating myself for failing her as a mother. So yes, it was self-induced hell, but I really thought I was doing the right thing.
And so I think and daydream about the arrival of our next baby, and visions of tucking that sweet bundle in a sling while D and I go about our days mingle with delightful thoughts of not making the poor babe wait until the next feeding time on the schedule to breastfeed. Ah, and sharing sleep with no guilt! Just having an overall sense of confidence in trusting myself as a mother . . . Well, in some ways, I almost feel like I will be a first-time mother again.
But I wonder if that's a lot of pressure to put on this next baby. To be the one with whom Mommy works through all of her guilt about D's babyhood. To be the child that allows Mommy to atone for her mistakes. To be the Redemption Child.
As I continue walking out the journey of motherhood, it occurs to me that it is no wonder we all have issues from our childhood. How could we not? It seems that the circle of life in families dictates that as parents, we are always seeking to atone for something; so often, that search for atonement expresses itself in the choices we make - consciously and unconsciously.
I think I will be proactive and get D on a therapy waiting list right now.
My Bloggin' Friends!
Corey (Living and Loving Every Minute of It!)
Emily (From Mumu to MILF)
Ingrid (Boricua in Texas)
Julie (Peaceful Chaos)
Karen (My Hands are Full and So Is My Heart)
Keara (Now I Know What Life is All About)
Laura (Sweet Awakenings)
Lauren (This Rollercoaster We Call Life)
Lori (Fairytales & Magaritas)
Mandy (A Small Tribe)
Mary Ann (Moutaineer Mommy)
Meghan (Pyreflies over Xanarkand)
Melissa (how 'bout the etheredge fam)
Noah (Life of a SAHM)
Papaya Mom
Sara (Sarandipity)
Shannon (Saga City)
Stephanie (Providence Handmade)
Blogs I Read (whilst I should be cleaning house or knitting or gardening or doing something crunchy with my time!)
2 Pink Lines
2nd Cup of Coffee
A Complete Thought
Adventures in Babywearing
After a cup of coffee . . . or two
Antique Mommy
BirdBrain
Big Mama
BooMama
Days to Come
Diary of a Shoe Addict
Dream Bigger
FriedOkra
Gluten Free Krums
Green Bean Boutique
Happy Jack's Mommy
Here we go again!
HippieMommy
Home on the Ridge
Home Sanctuary
I'm an organizing junkie!
It Coulda' Been Worse
It's Almost Naptime!
Lifenut
Little Fun; Little Learning
Living Proof Ministries (Beth Moore)
Looking Towards Heaven
love, laughter & laundry
Mama Blogga
Melissa Garrett ~ A Writer's Woolgatherings
Metropolitan Mama
Mom of Three Girls
Musings of a Housewife
My Quotidian Mysteries
ohamanda
Parent Hacks
Raising Five
Rocks in My Dryer
Scribbit
She Laughs at the Days
Summer's Nook
Sunnypond Home
Sweet Tea with Lemon
'Tis But a Season
The Lazy Organizer
theStovers
The Things You Didn't Do
the truest thing
The Wooden Porch
Velveteen Mind
Walk Slowly, Live Wildly
On Hiatus
Age
Amanda
Amy
Andrea
Colleen
Devon
Helen
Jessica
Katie
Mandy (My New Memories)
Nichole
Piper
Yan
