The light, the tunnel, the end approaches

Almost there, girls. Almost there. Tomorrow is the 30th and I will be released for the self-imposed tyranny of NaBloPoMo. Again, thank you so much for your words of encouragement - especially here at the end.

By way of advance warning, I want to tell you after tomorrow I am taking a week off from publishing posts. I have been sorely neglectful of reading and commenting on some of my favorite blogs and I am craving some time to just luxuriate in all kinds of bloggy reading goodness.

I haven't done a Thursday Thirteen in a while and the lure of a list proves to be irresistible . . .

In Which I Reflect on NaBloPoMo'ing

1. I do not like to post every day.
2. I much prefer to take the weekends off from posting.
3. Answering questions from my readers really was quite fun.
4. I definitely appreciate all who submitted questions (and by the way, those I haven't gotten to will not go unanswered. I am saving them for a rainy day.).
5. Talking about my own views and history and experiences day after day gets really boring really quickly.
6. I did have fun guest posting at Velveteen Mind. I would like to guest post more often, I think.
7. Posting every day is a lot of pressure, and I don't know how mega Bloggers like Michelle at Scribbit do it.
8. I am so stinkin' proud of myself for following through and finishing a project!
9. There is much to be said for public accountability as motivation to stick to something.
10. I hope I win a prize, dang it.
11. Hmmmm, that's just about all I have to say about NaBloMoPo.
12. Just for fun, here's a few of the Google searches that brought readers to SortaCrunchy in the past month . . .

sugar makes teeth hurt - well yes, actually it does, doesn't it? Especially if you are drinking my Texas Sweet Tea.

mother babe breast - not sure what to say about that . . . I do one of the first and two each of the others if that helps you out at all.

t - Really? You did a Google search on a letter? And really? It brought you here? Strange, that.

moldy BREAD, BREASTFEEDING - and again, I am just unsure of what to say about that.

Back to my list . . .

13. So, NaBloPoMo. You and I are about to part ways. Knowing what I know now, would I do it all over again? Yeah, I sorta think I would. It's definitely been one of those things where if I hadn't participated, I would always wonder if I had what it takes to do it.

And that last statement strikes me as being just a bit too serious. It's just blogging, after all.

I get to giggling . . .

For some reason, all of my bloggy thoughts lately have been a little uncharacteristically Debbie Downer-ish in nature (mostly my thoughts, not so much what I am actually posting). I think a Thursday Thirteen about things that make me laugh might help me to perk up a little!

Here's to things that make me chuckle . . .

1. All of NBC's Thursday night line-up,
2. but particularly The Office
3. and Shrute-Space (but come on, Dwight! Update already!).
4. Christmas Vacation. I have seen it one point two cajillion times, but still I laugh - every time.
5. I am the biggest dork ever, but I laugh out loud when I watch America's Funniest Home videos. A lot. An embarrassing amount of laughter.
6. Toots. All kinds. Baby toots, daddy toots, stranger in the grocery store aisle toots. (Mommy doesn't toot, of course. And we don't say the f-a-r-t word in this house.)
7. Pachelbel bedtime
8. A lot, a lot, a lot of Mommy Bloggers who are so much more witty than I could ever be
9. like DeeDee
10. and Megan to name just a few. I mean really, there are so many that actually make me laugh out loud. Such sweet medicine.
11. D's Texas accent. She says "dog" with a long "o" and "bye" with a staccato "BI!"
12. The way AJ tries to latch on to Daddy's lips when he gives her kisses. Hilarious. I need to get it on video . . .
13. Oh my gosh, I hope no one takes me off of their blogroll for this, but Family Guy. I know! I know! It's AWFUL!!! I never watched it until our Fox station started showing re-runs at 10:30 every night. It's usually the last thing I catch before bed and it's kind of nice to go to sleep chuckling. . .

Don't forget! Tonight at midnight (whatever time zone you are in . . .) is the deadline to enter the SortaCrunchy giveaway!

Good stuff

I have thought and pondered for the past 24 hours on a clever, witty post title for today. You can see about how well my brain is operating right now!

Anyway, these are thirteen things that make me happy these days:

1) My Avent Isis breast pump

2) Lansinoh ultra thin breast/nursing pads (yeah, the wool ones didn't work out as well as I had hoped)

3) Lansinoh cleanse and condition wipes for the breastfed baby

4) Mei Tai Baby

5) Ultimate Swaddling Blanket (pink mod circles!)

6) Short hair

7) Halloween costumes

8) Pink (the color, not the singer . . . although I am sure she is quite lovely, too)

9) The Tyra Banks show (never watched it until I was up with AJ and found our local Fox station shows last week's episodes at three a.m. She's great company at that hour!)

10) Best nursing bra ever

11) Mums (fall!)

12) My artist

13) Baby smiles

Don't forget to come by tomorrow for the return of Bit O' Crunchy giveaway!

Come and see what the Lord has done . . .

A few weeks ago, I shared thirteen areas of my life that testify to the fact that my life is very much a work in progress. As I concluded that list, I made the statement that perhaps I should share thirteen areas where the Lord God has brought victory to my life. Strangely, I feel much more hesitant in sharing these areas of victory than in openly sharing my imperfections. Basically, I just don't want to let God down, and I certainly don't want to embarrass Him or His Name with my words. It's easy for me to blather on about myself . . . not so easy to try to speak to the mightiness that is my God. And yet I feel that a follow-up in order because I don't want my insecurities to preclude testimony to His glory over what HE has done in my life.

As I reflected on how and what to share, a theme of freedom continually rose to the surface. I was reminded of the Apostle Paul's words in Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free . . ." (NIV). I want to share these areas of victory in my life all within the context of this freedom I have found in Christ.

Personal freedom
1. Freedom from fear
2. Freedom from worry

In my Fine Lady post, I mentioned that I struggle with fear, but the struggles I encounter today are nothing compared to the bondage in which I used to live. I come from a long line of fearful people who can turn the most trivial of circumstances into shrines of worry. I used to believe, "Well, I am just worrier. That's how I was raised, it's in my genes, that's what I am destined to be." In the past ten years, God has shown me that this is most certainly not the case! I am free to live life free from fear and free from worry because I have chosen to serve a Savior who encourages His followers with "Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid" (John 14:27). It's true - my first instinct when a troubling situation comes up is to panic or fret, but day by day, God is leading me to a life more victorious over this tendency.

3. Freedom to be sure of my identity in Christ
The enemy, the accuser of the brethen, is quite adept at dancing in front of the eyes of my mind images and remembrances meant to keep me in bondage to my sin and to my past. Just as surely as the Lord God has a plan for my life, so does the enemy of my soul. Part of his scheme for my life is to go around with a distorted image of myself and of my God.
Based on the truths of Ephesians 1:3-8, I find freedom in refuting the enemy's attacks by choosing to believe I am loved, blessed, chosen, adopted, accepted, redeemed, and forgiven.

Freedom in my marriage
4. Freedom to practice biblical submission
Surely this sounds to some like a contradiction in terms. Free to submit? Yet God has allowed me to discover through some powerful teaching and even more powerful life experiences that there is indeed freedom for a wife who is willing to allow her husband to be the leader of the home. I could write a lot more on this (and maybe I will another time) but this is surely at the top of the list of victories God has done in me in our marriage.

5. Freedom to open myself to emotional intimacy with my husband
It would not have been possible except through the work of God in my heart for me to be able to reveal to and trust my husband with the heartaches and heartbreaks I brought to our marriage.

6. Freedom in mental purity and fidelity
For years after we married, I struggled with mental fidelity. Anytime I was mad at my husband, I would retreat to a fantasy life in which I had married someone else, someone who surely better understands me, better meets my needs. I don't want to dishonor my husband or our marriage by revealing anything beyond that, but I do have to say that God used the book Every Woman's Battle to bring about much victory and much freedom in me and in our marriage.

7. Freedom not to rely on my husband to have my every need met
What wonderous freedom there is in discovering that my husband is just a human being (just like me!) and that he can't possibly fulfill my every need and desire. It really lets him off the hook when I choose not to live in bondage to our culture's message that his purpose on this planet is to make sure I am fulfilled in every way, every day.

Freedom in relationships
8. Freedom from emotional manipulation from others
Again, this is an area in which I don't want to dishonor anyone, so I will say briefly that there are those in my extended family who have fine-tuned the practice of emotional blackmail and manipulation to the point where I was in deep bondage to their every thought, feeling, and crisis. God has gently led me to understand I am not responsible for their choices or for their reactions to my choices. When confronted with this type of manipulation, I have the freedom to find peace in that.

9 and 10. Freedom in the area of finances and jealousy
For whatever reason, God has not (yet) seen fit to bless us with an overflow of material wealth. (I sorta have a sneaking suspicion that He thinks maybe we can't handle it. I sorta agree.)
It's very hard for me to forgo the poisons of jealousy when for much our married life we have found ourselves in groups of friends who do have much more than we have (materially). And this led us to be irresponsible with the resources God entrusted to us. Finally, finally, we are both allowing God to work in both of our hearts to convict us of our sins in these areas and restore us to the wholeness that comes with being " . . . content in any and every situation . . ." (Phil. 4:12 NIV).

11. Freedom to be a stay at home mama
Simply put, being a SAHM to our children is the realization and fruition of a life-long dream for me. Certainly we struggle financially. Certainly, I struggle in all areas of motherhood. But to be able to live out this dream, this calling on my life . . . there is a sweetness of liberty here that I am unable to put words to.

12. Freedom to forgive
Earlier this year, my father chose to end a thirty-two year marriage to my mother. I truly don't think I could ever, ever, tell the volumes I have learned about forgiveness in the past year. What I can share is that I now know I can forgive anyone of anything at any time. Am I called always to restoration of relationship? No. Am I called to put my trust in a person again? No. But I am called to rely on the power of Christ to practice forgiveness if for no other reason than I am willing to accept the forgiveness afforded to me through Christ.

13. Freedom from religion
I am one of those born and raised in The Church. Southern Baptist since nine months before I was born. Hardly ever missed a Sunday School class, Girls in Action meeting, or youth group function. I accepted Christ as the Lord and Savior of my life at the age of six, and so it would be easy for me to coast through life with my grape Kool Aid and graham cracker theology and my handy fire insurance policy. But oh, my God was not content to settle for that. In my early twenties, He aroused an awakening within me that opened my eyes to what relationship with Him looks like lived out. I am coming to know more and more every day that God is - as Beth Moore writes in her study on Daniel - "relational to the core." Every single one of these freedoms find root in the tender beckoning for relationship from a God who loves me like no other.

Perfect? Hardly. Again, my Fine Lady list testifies to that. And ya'll don't even know what I chose to leave off that list! But free? Oh yes, glory to God.

"I heard about His healing,
Of His cleansing pow'r revealing.
How He made the lame to walk again
And caused the blind to see;
And then I cried, "Dear Jesus,
Come and heal my broken spirit,"
And somehow Jesus came and bro't
To me the victory."
(Victory in Jesus, words and music by E.M. Barlett, 1939)

See the fine lady upon the high horse . . .

(Very quick follow-up to some of the skeptical comments regarding the amount of sugar in our sweet tea . . . I shared these with The Coach and he told me to tell ya'll that if you think that's too much sugar, then you don't really want sweet tea. You want iced tea with some sweet in it; we like ours to be sweet with a little tea . . .)

Four days into my first real teaching position, I did a crazy thing. I asked my students to write me a note with comments and suggestions on how our first week of school was going. I have never gotten over what one of my students wrote to me:

You're doing a great job and all, but I think you need to get down off of your high horse and realize we are high school students and we like to have a little fun . . . (it's been a few years and I can't remember the rest of his critique)

Once I recovered from the sting of a high school junior telling me to get off my high horse, I took some time to reflect on the truth in the message. Not surprisingly, it wasn't the first time I had been told I needed to get off my high horse. When the exact same phrase comes up again and again in relation to how people experience you, Lady Wisdom invites you to pause and reflect.

The truth is, I do struggle with a judgmental spirit. The truth is I have confessed this many times, yet still find myself getting a little too big for my britches. (And I gotta tell ya, size large maternity britches are pretty darn big, so you can just imagine . . .) The truth is I know God is opening my eyes to this same struggle once again by way of Scripture, sermons, and even blog entries like this one from BooMama.

So today I offer a Thursday Thirteen that is mostly a reminder to myself that there are many, many areas of my life that offer a big helping of humility . . . more than enough to keep me away from the "well, at least I don't do that" buffet in my mind.

1. I lack self-control. I am well on my way to gaining even more weight with this pregnancy than I did with D. And it's not because I am just one of those women who gains a lot of weight while pregnant; it's because as soon as the stick shows a positive, I abandon all I know to be true about good nutrition and overindulge with chocolate, cookies, and all manner of fats. I suppose the sweet tea doesn't help either.
2. I lack gratitude. Even though I have declared that I want to be responsible with sending thank you notes for every gift I receive in the next year, I have yet to write a single note of gratitude for any birthday gift I received last month.
3. I am dishonest. Though the Lord has brought about much victory in this area for me, I confess that when a situation comes up that I don't want to deal with, my very first reaction is to make up an excuse to get out of or around it.
4. I am a lawbreaker. There is rarely a time you will find me driving the speed limit on the interstate. It's nearly always just a hair over.
5. I am selfish. I have been known to contrive and manipulate situations to my advantage, even and especially within my own family.
6. I am a bad citizen. I haven't voted in an election since 2000. And I don't return my shopping carts to the parking lot corrals at Big Mart.
7. I don't live up to my own ideals. Though I am a passionate advocate of cloth diapers for the health of our planet and the health of my child, D has been in disposables since a month before we moved because I am just too tired to get her cloth diapers out and use them.
8. I am lazy. I haven't exercised regularly since two weeks after I found out I was pregnant. With D.
9. I am materialistic. I like stuff.
10. I lack focus. I am leading a Bible study this summer that I participated in last fall, and I decided to be frugal cheap and just use the same book this summer. Since all of the answers are already filled in, I feel like I have been phoning it in for the homework part of this Bible study instead of investing in discovering new answers and insights.
11. I am a worrier. I have more faith in my fear than in my God.
12. Have I mentioned I have a judgmental spirit?
13. I haven't had a haircut in six months.

Now, lest you misunderstand, this is not intended to be a "woe is me! I am so flawed, so broken, so unworthy" kind of post. The last thing I want to do is share this in a spirit of self-deprecation cloaked in false humility as a twisted way of boosting my self-esteem. Nor would I want in any way to dishonor the vast amounts of work God has done in this heart of mine. (In fact, maybe next week I will share thirteen victories that all give glory to God.) Nope, this is just a note to self. Having grown up in Oklahoma, I know there are two ways down from any horse - the hard way and the easy way. The easy way allows you to keep most of your dignity intact, not to mention keeping your clothes clean. The hard way hurts and usually involves a splash in a puddle of mud. As much as it has rained here this summer, the mud puddles are fresh and plentiful around here, so me and my too-tight riding britches are getting down from this high horse of my own volition. Besides, I think I heard someone ringing the dinner bell over at the chuck wagon. Wonder if they have any sweet tea . . .

Yes, but what shall we call her?

What does it say about me as a writer that I am much more prone to posting lists these days than anything of substance?

At any rate, here's my first ever Thursday Thirteen!

Little Sister remains nameless. This causes no small amount of grrrrrrr for me when everyone - EVERYONE! - is asking if we have picked a name yet. Granted, The Coach and I won't reveal her name until she arrives, but there's a difference in telling people "no, not yet!" with a grin because we are being coy, and telling people "no, not yet!" because we are fairly convinced there just is not a name out there for this child.

When we came across Dacey's name, we just knew. It spoke to us. It sang to us. It took a while to find it, but when we found it, we knew. That magic moment hasn't happened yet as we have gone through name negotiations this time. I do have to say on hubby's behalf that he is being much more reasonable this time. He still isn't making name lists of his own, but rather than meeting each suggestion with "NO!" or instantly coming up with every possible awful playground nickname a name could create, he has offered up lots of "hmmmmm . . . maybe . . ."

So, here are thirteen names on the list right now. In no particular order.

Oh, and the meaning of a name is fairly important to me, so I have included their meanings.

And her middle name will be Joy. Or maybe Kate. But probably Joy.

1. Adeline Joy (nickname Addie; Kyle's great-aunt's name was Adeline)
noble, kind

2. Jocelyn Joy (or possible Jocelyn Anne)
merry

3. Daphne Joy
of the laurel tree

4. Kalila Joy
A darling girl, sweetheart

5. Laura Joy/Lauren Joy
crowned with laurel

6. Tierney Joy
One who is regal, lordly

7. Misha Joy (long e sound, as in mee sha)
who is like God? love the meaning of this one

8. Mia Joy
who is like God?

9. Laila Joy
a beauty of the night

10. Leisl Joy (our last name is German and pairing it with Leisl is really unique)
my God is bountiful

11. Lizbeth Joy
my God is bountiful

12. Cara Joy
one who is loved

13. Alaina Joy
beautiful and fair; dear child

I covet your feedback! Thoughts on these? And suggestions for others? Maybe someone out there needs to delurk today to offer up just the right name for this child. I am open to feedback of all kinds!