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Sunday, June 17, 2007

To her Daddy

Father's Day! Before I forget, Happy Father's Day to my sweet husband and to all of the fathers out there.

As I was purging and packing last week, I came across a little something I had written years ago when I was teaching. I could just kick myself for not dating this or noting to myself the occasion for having written it . . . all I know is I must have written it at school because it's scribbled on stationery I used only in my classroom.

I have debated all week on whether or not to publish it here. It's pretty simplistic and cutesy and almost cheesy, but it illustrates an aspect of my relationship with God that has never been more real to me than in the past year. My relationship with my father is complicated. I love him, of course . . . but the word that best defines the way I experience my father is unsteady. Because I have never really been able to rely on my earthly father for stability, I have been able to experience the unchanging, ever-reliable love of my Heavenly Father with such sweet depth that I have the freedom to love my earthly father just for who he is. And that allows me the freedom to rejoice in the truth of Romans 8:15 where the Apostle Paul writes, ". . . the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' "

Again, I can't remember the exact circumstances that prompted this little writing. Please know that I never feel more naked and exposed than when I share my writing with anyone, but I feel sharing this is one way of living out my desire to be more authentic with what I write here.

A Little Girl To Her Daddy

Daddy, I don't feel good.
You don't feel good? Show me where it hurts.
Right here.
Your heart?
Uh-huh. My heart hurts.
Why does your heart hurt?
I think it's broken.
Child, how did your heart get broken? Tell me what happened.
Well, it all started when I had an idea. It was just a thought, really. Then it started to grow. I took care of it and loved it and watched it bloom. That thought grew into a dream. It was a good dream, Daddy, one that I really wanted to come true. I thought it would make me happy. But now I know it won't be coming true. And that's why my heart hurts.
Oh my child, I understand what has happened. You set your heart on a dream, a beautiful dream that you believed I wanted to come true for you. Your heart began to race and soar at the thought of this dream becoming big and true and real. The moment your heart broke is the moment you thought your beautiful and well-cared for dream had withered and died.
But look, child.
Your dream isn't dead at all. You just don't recognize it because it's changing. Little one, I know your heart and I know your dreams. You wanted to follow this dream as it bloomed down this path because this path looked like happiness.
But I know this path, and I know that in the end, it wouldn't bring you happiness; instead, it would bring you hurt. I want to protect you because that's what Daddies do. And that's why I'm not going to allow you to go down that path. That's why I am tending to your dream and helping it to grow and change.
I know your heart hurts right now. Put it in My Hands and I will heal it. Then take My Hand and hold on tight because that dream is growing and changing into something far more beautiful than you ever imagined it could be. I can't wait to show you all I have planned to keep your spirit soaring.

Thank you, Daddy. I feel better already.