Verily
Woe, woe unto thee, foolish woman! For thou hast committed a grievous error. In thy foolishness, thou hast chosen to gather food for thine household on a day of unparalleled madness in the market of thine city.
Dost thou not know? Hast thou not heart? The Lord spake unto the a command, “Do not enter into the marketplace of the city on the day preceding the feast of Thanksgiving. To do so would be great folly. Travel to the marketplace earlier in the week and by doing so save yourself from great sorrow.”
But you, O woman, you have neglected the Lord’s command. And this shall be your punishment.
You shall find the marketplace to be in great chaos, just as it was prophesied unto you. In the aisles there will be cursing, gnashing of teeth, casting of evil glances, great and heavy sighs of aggravation, and the wailing of young children. Ye shall find the aisle of spices and flour to be depleted; verily, ye shall look for the cinnamon sticks but the cinnamon sticks shall not be found.
For the schools have released the schoolchildren and the wives have sent their husbands with their children to the market. But the children and the husbands do not keep the holy laws of the marketplace. They have no understanding of the teaching which says, “Thou shalt not stand in one place reading labels whilst others need to pass by you, for doing so will cause the people to have great anger burning in their hearts against you. Verily, it would be better to cast your fatted calf to the dogs than to cause the flow of cart traffic to be obstructed and provoke the people to burn with indignation.”
And yet, O woman, after you have endured the trials and tribulations of the punishment set before you, the punishment for thy great and grievous error, ye shall escape from your ordeal unharmed. And as thou packest the food for thine household into thy car, a new song will be in thine mouth. A song of praise, for the Lord our God has been good to you.
Verily, I say unto thee, the Lord God, Jehovah Jireh - God our Provider - He hath provided for thee indeed.
11 comments:
Hi Megan! That is hilarious! And how many times have I been to the grocery store this week???? Melanie (Melissa's sis!)
LOLOLOLOL!!! You just made my week---that is hysterical!
PS: I, too, think that being a librarian is a dream job.
ESPS: Sorry it's taken so long for me to add you to my Noteworthy page; I hopped over to copy your address :-)
Brilliant Megan!
Oh my gosh! I'm laughing so hard I have tears!
Fabuloso! I'm lovin' the post - even read it aloud to The Coach (who has a BA in English) :-)
Happy Thanksgiving from one Coaching Family to another!
Verily indeed. It was crazy out there today. Made me want to rend my garments! Lo, the horns they honketh and the fists they pumpeth in the air in vexitude, as well. Thou shalt not even get into thy vehicle on this day.
Oh how I can sympathize! I had to trek out there today in the throngs of crazed Floridians with lethal shopping carts.
Cheers!!!
Bless you!
Wow, that was great. My hubby just got home and he said the store was empty. I guess you should have waited until 9:30 at night to go. ha ha ha.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Julie
Megan, I'm crying with laughter! This should be published! I can see it in a holiday magazine next year! You are so creative!!!
Happy Thanksgiving (sans cinnamon sticks!)
Blessings to your whole sweet fam!
AWESOME! I laughed and laughed through the whole post! Thanks for sharing what my brain thinks. I thought I was in the same boat going to the store on Tuesday, but I got lucky and got everything I needed. Thanks for the great laugh, Jennifer.
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